Do you need any male models in Heaven? If so, I’d like to sign up.
I think I have what it takes to be a male model, that is if looks aren’t important, and from what I’ve seen in biblical paintings, they’re not.
Why do I think I have the right stuff to be a male model?
Well for starters, I like to lay around in my robe all day.
Most of the models in bible paintings look like they’re in robes.
I rarely shave, opting for the George Clooney stubble look. It seems no one shaves in Heaven either.
I have good looking feet, and since everyone in Heaven wears sandals, my dogs would be prominently displayed.
I’m good with knives—swords, not so much, but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn. A lot of the guys in those bible paintings have helmets and swords. I have a motorcycle helmet, and an old Star Wars sword I kept from when I was a kid, so I’ve had some practice.
I love beef jerky and diet soda. Models live on beef jerky and diet soda.
I chain smoke.
I’m pretty stupid, if I do say so myself.
I routinely make bad decisions.
I breathe with my mouth open.
And I have this cool tattoo of a really cute little squirrel, arms outstretched, located just under my sack. Pretty unique actually and very photogenic.
I should think this qualifies me.
How about it.