Is it a sin to watch porn on Sundays?
I normally wouldn’t be asking, but I was going through the DirecTV guide and noticed there’s a Sasha Grey movie playing this morning right about the same time as mass.
Normally, I’d just record it and watch it Monday, (Keeping your day holy, of course), but my TIVO isn’t working, and besides, I rarely see Sasha in the listings anymore, and when I do, it’s typically one of her really unholy butt sex films, and not her more passionate triumph; Birthday Party Orgy, as is being featured today.
God, I don’t want to miss church, especially the coffee and donuts after the service, but on the other hand, I don’t want to miss my favorite slutbag celebrating her birthday with all her ‘lady’ friends. (After all, birthdays only come around once a year).
I need your guidance.
How about if I were to suddenly get sick in the next couple hours—say, after eating breakfast, maybe with a bout of diarrhea?
Only I don’t really want you to give me diarrhea, hell, are you kidding? If I’m going to stay home from church, I don’t want to miss one second of Sasha due to actually having to grease off a bunch of wet growlers.
Ugh…really gross God!
What if you just gave me the symptoms, like some gurgling noises or something? I’m thinking that might just be enough to convince the fam fam of my sudden bowel disorder.
I like this idea, since it allows for a quick return to my Tostito and Coors regimen by midday, and, I wouldn’t have to use up any of my fake migraines to avoid church this early in the football preseason.
God, it would just be this once. I promise—that is, unless they make a sequel to “Jam my Jugs”. I really don’t want to miss that!
So are we cool?
I’m thinking since Sasha isn’t doing her butt sex thing, and, I only faked the diarrhea, you should give me a little latitude on the sin side of the equation—especially if you come back with a no on the whole Sunday porn question.
Think about it and get back with me soon.
She’s on at 9:30 a.m.