Papa's Choice

The more I laugh
The more I fill with glee
And the more the glee
The more I’m a merrier me  

 —Excerpt from Mary Poppins

On the advice of my daughter, suggesting I write what makes me happy, I chose to do just that.

I write about things that make me laugh. Most of the stories are my real-life experiences, others, just random thoughts I get throughout the day.

If you find yourself reading them, wondering if ‘that really happened’, you can stop guessing. It did.

Band:  Yello—One Second

Lake:  Titicaca

Emperor:  Octavius

Biblical name:  Sixtus

Profession:   Toreador

Bird to shoot with pellet gun:    Pigeon

Nationality to goof on:    French

Incomprehensible STD:  Anal warts

Meat:  Any that require gnawing

Composer:  Rossini vis-à-vie Looney Tunes

Hobby:   Cheating at Jeopardy using my DVR

Drug lord killed in a hail of gunfire:  Pablo Escobar

Oil on canvas:  Mary Magdalene and Jesus by Peter Paul Rubens

Dog name:  Pogo

Songwriter:  John Prine

Imported beer:  Dos Equis Amber

Poet:  Carl Sandburg

Household cleaning product:  Orange Pledge

Mens cologne:  Creed

Kitchen appliance manufacturer:  Breville

Italian food:  Tripe in marinara sauce

City:   Enfleur, France

Psychotropic drug:  Yaqui Leaves

Doughnut:  Chocolate topped with Boston creme filling

Favorite act of larceny as an adolescent:  Theft of 4 kegs from the Delta Sigs 

Blow-up sex doll used as passenger while in HOV lane:  Stephanie Swift Love

Song lyrics that makes no sense whatsoever:  Memo from Turner—Rolling Stones

Device used to make faux tickets for major sporting events:  Canon PX6000

Urinal:  Kohler Wall mounted, with hands-free auto flush

Gun:  Smith & Wesson Model 29 

Power Tool: Stihl 32″ Chainsaw with auto lube

Alcohol Spirits:  Middleton Irish Whiskey

Novel:  Seven Spiritual laws of success

Movie:  The Big Lebowski

Animated Cartoon Character:  Michigan Frog

Movie Soundtrack:  Orgasmo