Maybe heaven has a back door

Me, bartering with St. Peter….

“I.m.p.o.s.s.i.b.l.e!”

“Our records are quite accurate Mr. Serrano, I assure you.”

“19,000 just seems like a lot.”

“19,312-1/2 to be precise sir.”

“A half?  Seriously? I’m getting tagged with half? How does that even count?”

“Mr. Serrano, you know how God has a zero-tolerance policy on Catholic’s masturbating.”

“I did not. Does this mean the half-whack counts?”

“Sir,  I wouldn’t worry about it with a record such as yours.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right, so ugh, tell me, is there any wiggle room on this one?”

“Wiggle room, sir? There was, but you surpassed that number on your first day of puberty. He allows for twenty occurrences, citing youthful curiosity.”

“Any ideas about his take on older curiosity?”

“Let’s move on, shall we?”

“What’s next?”

“Let’s discuss your blog, sir.”

“Ohhhh fuck.”