In an effort to rekindle my old love affair with sports reporting, I’m submitting the following Olympic update. I should probably mention how I was a mere 33 credit hours shy of my degree before switching majors for the 3rd time.
What a mistake!
I should’ve stuck with journalism since business turned out to be a real bundle of joy. Fucking Wall Street and its credit default swaps. What were they thinking? I guess no-one was watching when Nick Leeson took down Barings Bank, a centuries-old institution in England. He thought derivatives were safe too. Fuckers!!
What? [voice in background]
Oh, yeah…the Olympics. Sorry.
Women’s Water Polo: Lots of wedgies here, but you’ll never know it. The camera work is detestable, all of it from an aerial viewpoint in lieu of underwater. Waiting for time out’s are excruciating but worthwhile, when upon exiting the pool to huddle with one another, the cameraman finally earns his salt. Time out’s are your only hope of catching a glimpse of these finely-tuned (and wedgy’d) athletes, that is unless someone gets hurt or ejected. I did see one woman limping back to the bench but somehow it wasn’t the same. The wedgy affect is severely diminished by a bad limp.
John McEnroe: Apparently, NBC sports hired JohnnyMac as a reporter. I think we all know why. I’m waiting for one of his ‘off-camera’ remarks when he becomes unhinged at his cameraman after taking too long to get the lighting right. I ♥ John. #notgayjusttolerant
Women’s Kayaking: Weird. I think I pulled something in my low back yesterday weeding the front garden. Why do I have to pull weeds anyway? And on a Sunday no less. What are those lazy-as-mud landscapers charging me for? My only day off and I have to garden so my bitch neighbor doesn’t report me to the HOA. I hate her. The jury is still out on women’s kayaking. I’m not all about this sport just yet. This could have been a great wet t-shirt opportunity if it wasn’t for those pesky life preservers. Lots of left turns. Reminds me of NASCAR without the dub-t audience and confederate flags. Oh, and the water…duh.
Men’s Beach Volleyball: Finally, a sport where the men’s junk isn’t all up in your face. Totally worth watching if you’re a straight male. I’m a straight male, but I’d like to point out how I’m not a homophobe. This is important. I accept people for who they are. If you happen to like dudes, well, that’s your business. I like dudes, I just don’t like their dicks or hairy butts. In fact, I can barely stand my own, but that’s another story. Anyway, I was saying, this is a pretty cool sport and fun to watch. I don’t know who’s winning, mainly because I keep backing up the women’s water polo recording in hopes I may have missed an important time out. The American men look really cool with those Oakley shades and reversed visors, much cooler than my Chrome Heart sunglasses anyway.