Pondering one of life's age-old questions

Saturday morning, early.
And its the first weekend I’ve had off in a very long while, prompting the question of whether or not to, as the saying goes—shit or go blind.
Raising yet another question.

Should I simply go blind first, or, shit first?
I know that by following the syntax of events, at least as the saying would have you believe, I should be shitting first.
But I’m not prepared for that. Not just yet anyway.
And going blind first means I’d have to Helen Keller my way to the lav when it is finally time to tweak-off a burning growler. And that could prove a tad messy.
Ewww, and double fucking ewwww.
But then again, shitting first, means that when I do finally go blind, I’d have nothing (metaphorically of course) to look forward to the remainder of the day.

I’m so fucking confused.

I thought today would be more far more fun than sitting around pondering one of life’s age-old questions.

Or is this witty saying really just a metaphor for getting shit-faced and or blind drunk.
Because, that, I can do without question, save without the pondering.