Sometimes I like to write restaurant reviews on the popular website ‘Yelp’.
This was yesterday’s post.
Category: Breakfast & Brunch
Your major is sociology and the assignment is exploring the idiosyncrasies of America’s various counter cultures.
But you procrastinated when the professor was doling out the choices. Now there are only two left. Rednecks and Bikers.
You choose the former, but now comes the dilemma.
Where in Phoenix can you study rednecks in their natural habitat?
Well look no further. Kay’s is your first stop.
Kay’s is located in an industrial section of Phoenix surrounded by farms and nearby cattle ranches.
In a place where junkyards (complete with junkyard dogs) abound, and packs of wild dogs roam the streets.
And the people who harbor these dogs, drive combines, and milk cows, all light here…At Kay’s.
Yes, Kay’s will deliver the down-home atmosphere rednecks seem to flitter to and is just what you’re seeking, short of road-tripping to the hills of West Virginia.
Home to the dentifrice challenged, Kay’s is where men wear Wranglers, not Levi’s, Roper boots, and all fashion Carhart.
Where their musk isn’t Old Spice or Axe, but Dow Chemical’s #105 or Union Carbide’s Weevil ‘b gone.
Go inside, take a seat and eavesdrop on the next table, let’s get started with that assignment, shall we…
“N I told that little brown puke, this here’s Amerca boy, ‘n if you don’t like it you can gettttt the fuuuuckkkk out!, you lil rice-eatin, bean- fartin motherfucker.”
“‘N whad he say Earll?”
“Lil sumbitch got in his ’64 Impala ‘n made tracks, probably fer Me-hee-co.”
“Yeh do got a way with words Earll, I got to give it to yeh.”
I love going to Kay’s for breakfast, but not lunch, even though their lunch specials are to die for.
The breakfasts, especially if you get there around sun up, when you’ll get to see all the farmers, ranchers, and industry knaves in their natural habitat sipping coffee, wolfing down some kind of lumberjack special even Denny’s would be proud of, and telling crazy weird stories, are the total shit!
I typically get a bowl of cream of wheat and a couple poached eggs. It comes to nine bucks with coffee and the tip. A little pricey but not when you consider you’re smack dab in the middle of a racist sitcom, well worth every penny.
I think you’ll agree, Kay’s is truly a social case-study.
As you patiently observe—listening in on the conversations and wondering, just how it was Phoenix managed to adopt a little piece of Appalachia in its own backyard.
Oh well, in any case it did and it’s all yours to enjoy!
Note: I should probably mention the owners are nicest folks you’ll ever meet, and, there are a lot of police in here too. They must identify with rednecks I guess.
One more thing.
Since I gave you the tip on Kay’s, I expect to be included in your footnotes.
Listed in: Boots, Jeans, and Stetsons
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I named him Brindle-Dog. I only feed him when he looks too weak to attack me.
He doesn’t shit much either.