Would someone please tell me…
Sometimes I wonder about stuff.
Like what it will be like when I find my first gray pube and whether or not I should save myself from that day’s anguish by just shaving them all off now. But then I think about how doing so would remind me of ten year-old me with no pubes, and that really weirds me out. It’d probably creep others out too. Especially in the men’s locker room or at a public urinal.
But then maybe it wouldn’t creep others dudes out as badly as I might think.
Maybe they’d think I was a porn star or something since those dudes don’t have a whole lot of pubes to speak of anyway. But they do have some pretty big dicks, and I think that negates the whole lack of pubes thing to some degree. Although, with one of those gigantic dicks, you could probably get away with having a bunch of gray pube-hairs. Who knows, but I’m thinking you could.
Anyway, I don’t like the idea of anything sharp even remotely close to my business so shaving is out of the question.
Something else I wonder about is why food scientists decided to pair a laxative with a yogurt such as Activia.
Couldn’t they have just as easily put a laxative in french fries or corn dogs? Beer would be good too. Even tortilla chips. But yogurt? I hate yogurt. It’s way too slimy and, the thought of eating something I hate just so I could drop deuce grosses me clean the fuck out.
I once had to have a colonoscopy after showing off at a party and swallowing several bottle caps, but beforehand, in what doctors referred to as “one last attempt to draw them out naturally,” they ordered me to drink a gallon of this fruit punch laxative.
Their laxative worked really well but it didn’t produce any Coor’s Light caps. Major disappointment since they had to surgically remove all five of them. I thought I only ate three, so that was kind of a surprise. Even to me.
My point is I’d take that laxative over Activia any day of the week, mainly because of how well it goes with Grey Goose.
Activia doesn’t go well with Grey Goose. But french fries do, and so do tacos for that matter…especially at three in the morning, and, on most weekends.
Anyway, I don’t eat bottle caps anymore so it really doesn’t matter. Not unless I eat pot roast, or any kind of meat. Meat stops me up real bad. But not bad enough to eat Activia.
Maybe they could put the Activia laxative in a Hershey Milk Chocolate bar with almonds. I like those.
Reese’s pieces too.