Why men seem to smell...a complaint

God-

As you know, I’ve always been fairly critical of the way you designed the male body, insofar as the non-working male tits, and how we have to go through life with exposed dangling balls, which, in my estimation could have just as easily been placed inside our bodies someplace.
I’ve also filed numerous complaints with you about our hairy backsides, earwax, and toxic foot odors, all of which you’ve seemed to ignore.

Today I have a new complaint I think you might want to look into.

I really don’t like the way you designed our digestive systems, more specifically, the manner in which we crap.
In fact, I don’t care for the entire messy proposition of taking a dump!

Why couldn’t you have designed us so that we poop like a little baby deer or some other kind of animal, with those precious little green pellets that don’t stink?
That would be pretty cool.
Only I don’t know about green. You might want to consider a more popular color—like maybe sky blue or gold for guys, and say, pink for women.
I like this idea on many levels.

First, deer shit doesn’t smell and that’s pretty cool.
And with the new bright colors, it would actually be fun to gawk at, instead of always being repulsed, the way we are now.
And just think, there would be no more embarrassing moments after that big family get-together where the host makes us all use the downstairs bathroom.
No more need for toilet paper either. The last time I checked, I don’t recall seeing deer wipe their butts.

And lastly, have you ever seen the way a deer shits?
Standing up, right?
This means we could shit just about anywhere, just like how men pee all over everything now.¹

I like this idea God and think you should really give it some consideration the next time you design a species such as us humans.

Just a thought

Yours,

Diego

¹ This includes the backyard, subway, park, club parking lot, neighbors hedges, and the bathroom toilet—seat, rim, and floor.