The ultimate holiday toddy

Here’s my recipe for a holiday toddy guaranteed to knock your dick ass in the dirt.

5 parts shopping
2 parts snarled traffic
2 parts attitude (others)
3 parts fucked-up family members (non-immediate) arguing
4 parts weird foodstuffs the aunts prepare
2 parts decorating
5 parts depression from listening to 12 year-old Michael Jackson holiday tunes blaring from every sound system within earshot
4 parts opening useless gifts
1 part getting caught re-gifting
6 parts television commercials for automobiles under the guise of “Holiday shopping event”
100,000,000 parts people wishing others peace on earth, goodwill toward men on one day out of an entire fucking year

One loaded pistol

Oh, I almost forgot.
Shaken, not stirred.