True penis envy

I checked my spam folder this morning and found over five hundred emails from spammers, most of which had something to do with penis enlargement products.
Normally, I’d delete this garbage, but for some strange reason, today, I decided to check them out.
Here’s what I learned.

Product #1

I can add up to 1/4 inch (.6 cm) per week to my johnson by using this one, but oddly enough, it didn’t mention whether there was a limit on the number of weeks it will continue to work. This makes me wonder if using it for a full year will add 13 inches (33cm) to my existing manhood.
Big, I’ll admit, but not quite what I was looking for.

Being a man’s man, (as proclaimed by others, not me) my logical thought process deduced that if there’s one product out there that will add thirteen inches, there’s probably another that will add even more. And since bigger equals better, I kept looking.

Product #2

This one promises to add both girth and length in relative proportions, but it doesn’t say anything about adding thirteen inches over a year’s time, not like the first one, but it does say “Adds up to two full inches!”
I kind of like this idea, since it did promise to add both girth and length in even proportions, and by my math, that would mean my dick would look like a butternut squash. I’m not sure how I feel about this.

This thing could hurt someone

Ok, let’s move on.

Product #3

Alright, here’s one that looks as though it’s got some real promise by adding up to 1/2 inch per week and no limit on the number of weeks.
Ding..Ding..Ding..WE HAVE A WINNER!
Why in just three months, I’ll be the size of a horse, in six—a rhinoceros, and in only one year, I should be the size of a small humpback whale, measuring in at just over three feet (1 meter) long.
I like it.

Use your imagination!

I can’t wait to get started. I’ll start taking my medication daily, and in the meantime, find a good tailor who can alter my jeans to include a train, since I have a feeling I’ll need to drag the little fellow behind me.

What?
Oh, I’m sorry. I thought I heard someone say “penis envy.”
Hah!

Diego