Remember the time we all took a bunch of acid and thought it would be funny if we gave my friend’s dads favorite horse a bath—in the swimming pool—and the damned thing drowned?
Who saw that one coming?
In practically every cowboy movie I watched as a kid, there was always at least one scene where they had to ride across a river and those horses seemed to swim just fine—their skinny little legs trotting away as they dog-paddled their way to safety.
So what was it with this fucker?
He didn’t even try to swim, even as we shoved him toward the steps. Instead he just stayed in the deep end where he finally did a 1-2-3 under and never came back up.
I know it’s not funny now as an adult who doesn’t take LSD any longer, but it sure as shit was funny then.
That’s why I’m writing.
I need forgiveness on a couple levels.
First, for laughing our asses off as the horse was drowning. I don’t think any of us would’ve been laughing if it wasn’t for the acid, vodka, and weed, but in terms of laugh potential, the combination of these three make for some jocularity that’s right off the fucking charts!
The other thing I’m sorry about is how we accidentally messed him up with the backhoe when we fished him out of the pool. None of us had any business operating heavy equipment when we were that high, but we had to get him out of the pool and make it look like an accident before my friends dad got home. So for both of these counts, really sorry.
I’m not sure if any of the others have ‘fessed up with you on this event, and I’m sorry it took so long for me to come clean, but with age comes wisdom and I now realize how the sins of ones past can actually help others from repeating the same mistakes.
Although, for anyone to make this big of a mistake, they’d have to have a friend with an ample supply of LSD, and Chronic, a friend whose dad is a contractor who raises horses, a really nice swimming pool with a deep end for diving, a backhoe, and a crazy notion that giving a horse a bath in the pool would be super funny.
God, I’m not sure if any of this actually counts as a sin or not, since the acid, vodka and weed were all organic.
The fact that the horse couldn’t swim really wasn’t our fault, and the last time I checked, laughing wasn’t a crime.
However, mutilating a a dead horse with heavy equipment could however be the kicker here. I know it doesn’t break a commandment or anything, but it sure can be a buzz-kill.
In the end, even I know the combination of these events add up to something unholy, so if you would indulge me, I’d like forgiveness on the event as a whole, and not just killing the horse.
Anyway, if David, Greg or Alex check-in with a different story, don’t buy it.
I’m the only one who didn’t take qualludes that day so we’d at least have a designated driver.
That counts for something one would think.
P.S. If you do charge me with killing the horse, could you prorate my portion? There were four of us so it’s only fair I get hit with 25% of the crime.