Lum’s Laundry
God-
How many robes are we issued up there and how exactly does that work?
By my math, I’ll need at least a dozen or so since I typically don’t do laundry but once a week or so. You know, truthfully, I don’t even do my own laundry. I take it to this little Chinese dude who owns a laundromat down the street, his name is Lum.
Lum is a nice guy but his wife is a major asshole.
Lum and his wife own the all-you-can-eat buffet next door to the laundromat where his ass-wad of a wife tries to run me off every Saturday for loading up on her fried chicken.
Here’s the routine.
I drop my stuff off at Lum’s, then go next door to the buffet where typically, after about three or four helpings of chicken, Lum’s 3-foot Anti-Christ of a wife comes running out of the back with a crazed look in her eyes yelling, “Eat moh vegtabuh, you eat too motch chikin, you go now, you too fat”!
What a little bitch! Who says shit like that to a customer?
Anyways, Lum does a good job on the laundry but takes forever to clean my shit. He always says; “you come back two days,” which I do and he never has my stuff ready.
Sometimes he even loses a shirt or two but always reimburses me at full price. Not your typical Chinaman. Like I say, I like Lum.
Which is why I’m writing.
Do the Chinese run all the laundromats in Heaven?
This could be a real problem unless you give me a bunch of extra robes to wear while the rest of them are being laundered, otherwise I’ll look like a real schlump with my stained robes.
For some unknown reason, all my white clothing seems to attract salsa similar to the manner in which shit draws flies. I don’t know what it is, I guess white is just a salsa magnet, for me anyway.
Or is this something I even need to worry about?
Maybe you and Jesus are the only ones wearing white while the rest of us are adorned in blue or green scrubs.
That would be better anyway. The salsa won’t be as prominent on blue, and I can lie to the chicks up there by telling them I’m a doctor and how I just got out of surgery. Chicks like doctors.
Anyways, I like Lum and hope maybe someday I’ll bump into him in Heaven. That’d be really nice if you could arrange that for me.
His wife, not so much.
Stingy bitch.
Obsessively yours,
Diego
