29 reasons you should have your own posse
I want a posse, but not The Insane Clown Posse, (Have they ever had a hit single?) I was thinking more along the lines of an actual working posse.
And not one of those cowboy posse’s either—going around hanging cattle rustlers and such.
I want a posse like those Hip Hop guys have, you know, the ones that sit around all day kissing ass and drinking everything in your liquor cabinet.
Only my posse would have a slightly different twist.
Posse Job Description
- Arrive at my house (crib) 8 am
- Get me two aspirin and make a pot of strong coffee
- Loiter with other posse members—talk shit
- Watch cell phone videos from night before
- Decide which videos to post on Facebook and YouTube
- Begin kissing my ass (mark as all-day event)
- Clean pool (and leaf basket)
- Hose off the front walk
- Scrub the bird shit off the mailbox
- Bust out the dro and get high
- Lay around, watch Scarface
- Throw the garbage and clean the kitchen
- Go to Salvation Army for clubbing attire
- AM Break
- Wash my truck
- Clean my hunting rifle, 9mm, and maybe put some new line on my fishing reels
- PM Break
- Clean my RV
- Clean garage
- Barbecue something for dinner
- Mow lawn
- Prepare cocktails, smoke some more dro
- Go clubbing
- Get all drunk, annoy others, transform into major douchebag
- Bounce before the man shows up
- Drive me safely home, don’t bump tunes, tunes draw the po po
- Make sure I don’t pass out in the bathroom after throwing up
- Put me into bed (with clothes on)
- Wait at least one hour, clean yak from floor
- Clock out, go home, don’t steal anything on your way out
It just occurred to me I don’t really need a posse, hell, I’m already a one-man posse, save for kissing my own ass….but it would be nice to have a bunch of people kissing my ass and doing my chores for me.
I’m ready for my very own posse.