Jesus was in my short-ribs

God-

You know how some people claim to see Jesus appear as an apparition on a fence or a dirty window?
Well, guess what?
It happened to me last night at Applebee’s restaurant.
Never in my life did I think something like this would happen, not to me anyway, having routinely dismissed Jesus sightings as bullshit, but just as sure as you’re born (Well, not you, of course) there he was, in all his semi-bearded glory.
An unmistakable image of Jesus himself, right there in my shorts ribs, and to a lesser extent my mashed potatoes and gravy. (Part of his beard had slopped over into the mashed potatoes, presumably during the plating process).

Instantly, I alerted everyone in the place, shouting; “JESUS IS IN MY SHORT RIBS,” as the manager came running over to see what the commotion was about. Right about that time, the other patrons (I presume Christians) began to assemble around my booth, hoping to witness Applebee’s miraculous menu item as well.
One small problem.
Nobody else saw Jesus. He was only visible to me, why?

I desperately tried to point out his more prominent features to onlookers, his sorrowful face, the glaring eyes, but no one could see him, only me.
Was this a sign—a message of some kind?
It sure seemed like it, especially the way Jesus was giving me the skunk-eye and all.

The manager tried to calm me down, suggesting I sample the Jesus ribs; “Just let it go,” he said softly, but I wasn’t buying it.
I wasn’t going to eat Jesus no matter how delicious he appeared.
But I also couldn’t sit there with Jesus gazing at me like I’d just beat up a kid or something.

So, as the manager suggested, I took a couple of bites of Jesus, beginning with his beard, then a few more, and before I knew it, Jesus had disappeared as mysteriously as he first appeared, it was yet another miracle!

God, I think you know the real reason I’m writing, I need forgiveness for eating Jesus, every delicious bite of him.
I’m not exactly sure what came over me, maybe it was how well they paired with the wine.
Or maybe it was how I got a little unspooled over Jesus’s angry gaze, I’m not sure. But whatever the reason, I couldn’t take Jesus’s delectable aroma any longer and gobbled him up in an absent minded eating frenzy.

Was any part of this a sin?
Should I have just stopped with the potatoes and gotten a doggie bag for the rest of Jesus? He probably wouldn’t have liked that idea too much.
I really didn’t want to send him back to the kitchen where some busboy would shove Jesus down the garbage disposal. What else could I do?

Anyway, I was hoping you’d cut me a break on eating Jesus for dinner last night.
If it’s any consolation, he was damned tasty!

Satiatedly,

Diego