Aunt Mary smelled like insect repellant
God-
I remember as a kid when my mom used to say, “Diego, you stink to high Heaven,“ encouraging me in her own quirky way to bathe every now and again.
Was she right—does high Heaven smell funny?
I always pictured Heaven smelling sweet, like chocolate—or an old-fashioned ice-cream parlor, but the more I think about it, I realize Heaven is full of old people—and old people typically stink to high Heaven!
I can’t quite put my finger on the smell exactly, but have narrowed it down to a pungent mix of the following;
- Gingivitis…likely from ignoring flossing advice
- A mutant form of body odor, which I’ve only detected on the old and the French
- Ammonia…a nose-burning blast, typically wafting from the underpants region…directly attributable to a considerable lack of wiping prowess. (I presume)
And as if this 3 odor bouquet wasn’t smelly enough, I’ve noticed a popular trend among older women to slather themselves with a really weird smelling perfume, one that’s uncannily similar to insect repellent….more specifically, bug spray.
This isn’t right.
My mom never stunk, she smelled like fresh-baked goods right up to the end (despite her prodigious use of Aqua-Net), but my Aunt Mary…oooh boy, did she have a stench. Every time she walked into a room, it smelled like death had just walked in—and died!
So after considerable thought, I have to say, I don’t particularly care for the way you designed old folks—with their stinking to high Heaven and all.
I think you could have done a much better job, making them smell like freshly baked, chocolate chip cookies, or even brownies.
Perhaps if you had done so, high Heaven wouldn’t smell the way it does.
What if we were to start burying them with a sack of brownies or something—would this help?
At any rate, I’d like to request you send me to a much lower part of Heaven until you get this horrific stench under control.
Olfactorally yours,
Diego J Serrano
