The Sloth-o-meter

God-

You know how you liked it when people used to sacrifice lambs in your honor—well how do you feel about pigeons?
Should I be using an altar—reciting a bunch of holy stuff prior to snuffing them—or will “take that, you miserable little piece of shit”—followed with a swift round of pellet gun justice suffice?
There are no lambs in my neighborhood, otherwise, I’d probably “sacrifice” one of them every couple of weeks.
There is a dog that won’t stop barking, but I’m not much of a dog killer, even if it was a sacrifice in your honor—besides, I don’t have any dog recipes…not like I do lamb.
Anyway, thats not why I’m writing.

I need your opinion on something.

What’s a safe level of lazy before registering on your sloth-o-meter?
My TIVO’s on the fritz, and I don’t see me getting enough spare coinage to get a new one before football season starts this August.
So I was thinking.

Would it be wrong of me to get a Foley catheter and an IV stand—so I wouldn’t have to leave the room to go potty… or would you consider this too lazy?
I only plan on using Coors Banquet beer, and not those unholy light beers if it makes a difference….and, I would actually get up if I had to grease off a big heater. (tortilla chips and bean dip do that to me)
Now that would really be a sin—to just sit there and shit your pants during a major scoring drive with only a few minutes left…now that’s just plain lazy!

Please give me a sign if you approve, and quickly if you don’t mind, as it will likely take some time to find a disgruntled hospital worker—one who I can talk into stealing this stuff before pre-season gets underway.

3-34-hut-hut,

Diego J Serrano